THE SUMMER THAT WASN'T

After 6 months of weirdness we have finally arrived at the end of the Summer That Wasn’t. It’s just starting to a get colder now, the equinox has happened and nights are noticeably longer, the chilly damp has arrived (interspersed with just enough sunshine to keep us guessing) and the trees and plants look faded and dusty, as though their energy has run out and they can’t wait to shed their leaves and hibernate for a bit.

To me it feels as though the energy of everyone dealing with Covid-19 and Lockdown has also run out. We started this extraordinary global roller-coaster with tremendous energy, leavened with a healthy dose of trepidation and uncertainty, but also - at least for me - alert and awake to the opportunities and possibilities that such as radical shake-up may have (see my post A Tale of Ten Cakes for what I got up to). Then the drudgery of Lockdown Limbo set in, where we couldn’t really go anywhere or do anything, where the initial clear message of stay home became muddled and where our energy dissipated into something more sombre and depressed as the economic realities really kicked in. And now we are 6 months in, we are being told to wear masks everywhere, track wherever we go and avoid physical contact with others, and there’s no sign of a new normal, let alone a light at the end of the Covid tunnel.

Although the beautiful Summer at least provided us with opportunities to get outside, explore the beautiful nature that the UK has to offer and try to maintain some semblance of social normality outdoors, for many of us Summer is the season of holiday and travel. We spend much of the year working hard and imagining the places we might go and the things we might do in our precious spare time. We dream, we save, we organise and we anticipate the escape from normality that the Summer brings.  And yet, with Covid-19 affecting the entire world, suddenly there are no places to go which don’t have their own lockdowns and protocols, no escape anywhere from the uncertainty and nervousness surrounding us and, however much money we may have, it can’t buy us a time out to step off the rollercoaster for a minute, regain our equilibriums and take a breath. Added to that, if you have grown up or live in a settled, peaceful, capitalist democracy, where money apparently solves all problems, being assaulted by something which couldn’t care less about how we humans think the world should be run is also a pretty big shock! So instead, many of us choose to stay where we are, in surroundings that suit us, and probably safer - but also bored and unstimulated, with the same view outside the window and the same environment as in our normal, work-day lives.  Boredom, uncertainty and fear: these are not good bedfellows.

Furthermore, we can’t see the end of this pandemic. We recognise that massive changes are happening all around us in terms of the way we work, live, travel and interact, but nothing is settled yet, we certainly haven’t beaten (let alone controlled) the coronavirus and the entire world is also in flux along with us. Therefore, it’s unsurprising that it’s so hard to make plans, let alone create new ambitions and challenges. It’s challenging enough just surviving emotionally at the moment, with all the energy that we usually channel into forward momentum being used simply to maintain some kind of status quo. I am not the only one feeling this at the moment. Many of the friends I know who started something new at the beginning of Lockdown have felt themselves dragged down by the inertia of uncertainty, and have either parked or dialled back on their initial ambitions. It’s one of the reasons that I have started making crazy party masks and am continuing to bake birthday cakes (though at a less manic rate than before); as a reminder to myself that a) even with all the weirdness I can still create beautiful things and b) I can stick at something during this period, even if it’s only feeding all my friends into sugar comas.

So now here we are, hovering at the top of the rollercoaster and looking down at the next stomach-churning drop, and scrabbling for something – anything – to hang on to. For me that translates into looking at my relationships with those around me, something that gaining more and more importance as this strange new world evolves. Here’s what I’m learning:

1. People’s characteristics (including my own) really are exposed and amplified by a crisis.

Having been involved some fairly life-or-death situations in the past I kind of already knew this, but somehow I expect this more when I have voluntarily put myself into a hair-raising situation (and are surrounded by people I have chosen to be there with). Coming face to face with it in my own everyday life, surrounded by people I never expected to have that kind of stress-induced relationship with, is much less expected. As Lockdown continues past 6 months, I am seeing more clearly the underlying characteristics of the people around me; those who tend to be self-absorbed become more selfish, for example, or those who are kind reach out to others even more. It’s as though Covid-19 is distilling and exposing our essential characters (maybe Covid-19 has dissolved our ability to bullshit each other?). This has two consequences for me; firstly, it is making me re-evaluate some of my friendships in terms of these amplified characteristics. Mostly this is sadly a negative experience where I have to disentangle myself from people who I would otherwise normally socialise with happily on a casual basis, but whose company I find quite toxic during this pandemic.  Occasionally this has been a positive experience, where someone on my social periphery has made a much bigger impact than previously. The second consequence is that I have to look at myself more clearly, whether I like to or not, and decide if I like what’s there as well as decide what to change if I don’t like it. I see this period of Lockdown as giving me the opportunity to cut through my own bullshit and work on honing the qualities about myself that I like, as well as understanding the qualities I value in others.  

2. We’re in this for the long haul.

It’s easy to volunteer for something, or start a new project, or make a new resolution in the first flush of excitement. What’s not easy is sticking it out for weeks or months or more. And yet this commitment to do something over the long-term is vital and is the bedrock for all aspects of our society. It’s the quality that keeps the NHS running (it’s really not the salaries!), keeps volunteers filling and distributing food parcels to those who can’t afford to eat, keeps people lobbying for the important things like climate change, even when it’s been pushed off the top new slot by Covid-19 or Trump, or whatever else is considered newsworthy. Endurance is generally under-rated, but for me it’s become an important benchmark for deciding whether to let someone properly in to my life, because that’s the support I want to be able to rely on, now and in the future, and in return is what I want to be able to offer them.

3. Everyone is the entitled to their own opinion, but if we can’t agree to disagree and move on we are in even more serious trouble than we think we are.

We are (apparently) a free nation. We value critical, independent thinking and have vast resources at our disposal to use in researching, digesting, critiquing and making our own conclusions about the world around us. So far so good. However, as Lockdown continues I see ever more polarisation of belief and more intolerance towards those with whom we disagree. Look at the USA. Polarisation in politics, race and religion is tearing that country apart. It’s no longer possible to have a debate with someone who disagrees with your viewpoint on wearing masks, for instance, without it quickly degenerating into a politicised slanging match. In the UK, not content with tearing each other apart over Brexit, we are also polarising around how well/badly the government is doing at controlling the pandemic (or whether there is really a pandemic at all and it’s all just a control issue). On a social level, some people are comfortable hugging and going to parties with lots of people in close proximity, while others wear masks and gloves and don’t want to get too close to anyone not in their household bubble. Both points of view are valid and everyone will have their own opinion. However, ignoring someone’s request not to hug, or denigrating someone for their differing political opinion, is not only disrespectful but it’s also contributing to the problem. Calling someone a political sheep, or hugging them when they ask you not to is not going to bring them around to your way of thinking. In other words, collaboration and respect, not confrontation and polarisation, is the only way we are going to get through this even slightly intact (as a society, as a species, or as a planet). And, whether you believe that Covid-19 is a threat or not, Lockdown is real and it’s only the combined brains, will and heart of our entire planet that will make the difference in the long run.